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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/Own_Sandwich6610 on 2023-07-28 01:00:48.

So, picture this: I (29yo) woke up this morning feeling a discomfort in my lower belly. I thought, maybe I need a good visit to the restroom ye know? It didn’t make a difference. I decided to go on with my day and went to work since I wasn’t sick or in pain.

Around 11am, the discomfort evolved into PAIN rapidly. I was at work and could barely stand or sit. The pain was centered on the right side of my belly button. My alarm bells instantly started ringing: appendicitis. My brother had acute appendicitis a few years ago; I saw a lot of parallels.

A colleague brought me home and I was in severe pain around noon. My GP did some tests and sent me to the hospital’s urgent care. After an echo with gel and a CT scan, they weren’t entirely sure yet if it was my appendix. They needed to look over the test results again, so I had to wait with my dad.

And boy, I got so incredibly annoyed by his comments. When I was a kid, he always downplayed every sickness I had, and he’s never improved in that department. Whilst waiting for the doctors, my dad (60yo) told me the following gems:

  • There’s always something going on with you chuckle
  • I don’t think there’s anything. It must be stress. Stress can cause a belly ache.
  • Oh; you’re on new meds for your ADHD? Maybe that caused it. It’s a light antidepressant too? Half chuckle, half scoff, so that means your brother, mother, and you are on that stuff…
  • Lol, maybe you’re pregnant. Would you have an abortion?

I told him to stop talking, which he did.

Half an hour later, the doctors returned, telling me they don’t trust this. They want to do a laparoscopy (take a look at my appendix by going into my belly with 3 small incisions.)

After they left, my dad’s first comment: “Oh. So it is serious.”

I FLIPPED MY SHIT. Dad, do you think I went to the urgent care for fun and giggles? I KNOW my body by heart. I’ve been living in this meat suit for nearly 30 years. I told him off, saying he never takes my pain seriously. He never took my ADHD diagnosis of 2 years ago seriously (“everyone is distracted sometimes”.)

He got quiet and didn’t speak for a while. Good. I hoped he mulled his words over in his head. Of course, no apology came. But what did come was a series of new comments I absolutely did not need to hear:

  • Well, be happy you’re not in a foreign country right now.
  • Be happy it’s just a simple surgery.
  • Be happy you’ll bounce back in no time since the procedure isn’t bad or anything.
  • I needed surgery for a hernia so I had it much worse than you.

I. Fucking. Flipped. my shit again. “DAD. Please stop with this. I’m feeling AWFUL and that’s OKAY. It’s okay to acknowledge things are shitty right now!”

I was, and still am, so frustrated with him.

And he wonders why I need therapy so much. My man, you have been downplaying my health issues all my life. I can tell you that has a bunch of bad effects on a person.

I had the surgery pretty soon and am now okay. Upon exploring my belly, they indeed saw my appendix was infected. They removed it. There’s still suspicious fluids in my belly so I’ll have to spend a couple of days in the hospital.

To be honest; both my dad’s parents were the same. Even worse. He wasn’t taught much empathy. So I’m not entirely angry at him, because he doesn’t know much better. I am proud of myself for breaking the generational trauma and having become an empathetic person. I would have told myself: “It sucks and your feelings are valid. I’ll be by your side and you’re gonna get through this because you got this.” And I’ll treat my future kiddos the same way. Break that generational trauma with a sledgehammer.

This was the end of my rant. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far. ❤️