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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/joemamafrfr on 2023-07-27 21:32:12.
Huge, huge trigger warning.
I made a post here months ago about telling the man I was seeing at the time that my ex raped me. I told him because he wanted to have sex and I was traumatized and couldn’t. He always reassured me that it was okay and he was probably “the most patient man I’ve ever met.” Eventually I told him about my sexual trauma and having to report my ex to the police. My ex got charged, I’m in therapy and in a much better place, and I mustered up the language to convey it properly to him.
He was so understanding, compassionate, told me to take all the time I needed, that he wasn’t going anywhere, e.t.c. At the time, any penetration hurt and was directly linked to CPTSD and flashbacks. I not only mentally but physically couldn’t be penetrated. It’s important to note that I’ve never actually had traditional penetrative sex, my ex raped me by forcefully and aggressively fingering me, forcing his weight on me. I’ve never felt the sensation of ‘actual’ sex, which I know would be even more traumatizing right now as I also have a tight pelvic floor and a shallow, very sensitive vulva. I told all this to the man I was seeing.
He tried to rape me a few days ago himself. We were making out, without warning he tried to jam his dick in me. I said no, used our safe word repeatedly, loudly, and he ignored me. He kept trying and for a few seconds I almost froze, until I was like, “holy fucking shit I cannot believe this is happening again.” I just got off him and said I’m not moving. I “starfished” but in a more extreme way. I almost physically rolled into a ball. We went back to the sitting room and he proceeded to not speak to me for the rest of the night, only his friends. I made him call me an uber and blocked him on everything. I genuinely, truly, cannot believe this shit. It feels like everyone on earth is fucking evil.