The original post: /r/television by /u/GrizzlamicBearrorism on 2024-07-18 17:42:13.
Granted, its good TV, super entertaining, but none of it makes any fucking sense at all.
Okay so Luthor has the chunk of Brainiac, Brainiac in his head says “Use it to bring me back. My programming is in every time piece of me.”, fine.
Luthor can’t do it. He needs more chunks. Fine.
Tala shows him the Darkseid asteroid exploding, Luthor says “I recognize those stars, I know where that is.”
Like, I’m sorry - Fucking…HUH?
Lex saw some stars in a random spot in THE ENTIRETY OF ALL OF SPACE and went “Oh yeah, I know exactly where that is.”, and his spaceship makes it there in like an hour.
Keep in mind, New Genesis and Apokalips are nearby to where they’re going, and I’m pretty sure its literally on the other side of the entire known universe. Its so far away you can’t just fly there, hence the need for Motherboxes and Boom Tubes.
Also Lex totally disregards the GIGANTIC ASTEROID THAT LOOKS LIKE DARKSEID’S FACE. Fine.
Grodd gets let out, the villains fight, and at least three times it’s clear he has a magic belt that can reverse powers on their users…or whatever. I also have a serious issue with Sinestro being second banana to ANYONE but whatever. Fine.
So Lex gets the space chunks and uses Tala to I guess use magic BS to recover the chunks, which should have been blown halfway across the universe because the explosion was big enough to kill Darkseid. Why would there be an asteroid field? But whatever they get the chunks. Fine.
Lex, for some reason, builds a chamber in which Brainiac will reconstitute. Brainiac is a robot, so he should be rebuilt. But okay, write it off as being just magic. Fine.
Darkseid is now apparently alive, says his cool Darkseid shit, and then blows up the Legion of Doom’s ship.
And here’s my rub with the writing. Lex and ALL of his goons should have been killed, right there.
I know its more fun to have them in the finale, but in terms of storytelling having Lex and his entire crew splattered by Darkseid would have been a much more poetic ending to that thread. Metron told him he was messing with stuff he can’t understand, Lex was like ‘Whatever dude’, and then realizes “Oh shit I really fucked up” and dies.
But he doesn’t, the finale is more fun with him in it. Sinestro and Star Sapphire put them in a bubble, they beat up Lightray because fuck you Jack Kirby and Boom Tube home.
Darkseid shows up on Apokalips, two gigantic armies of his people are about to kill each other and he’s like “Nah chill I’m here. We’re gonna kill Earth.”
And one of his people says “New Genesis is going to kill us if we do that.”
And he’s like “We’re going there next.”, that ENTIRE thing is glossed over because it would make what happens next nearly impossible from that point. Just hopping over the plot hole.
So theres an invasion force that hits Earth from Apokalips, and now those two gigantic armies and ALL of Darkseid’s minions are missing. Are they on New Genesis? Who knows? Its just Darkseid and a million Parademons and like five tanks.
Darkseid and Superman fight, and while I can buy Batman dodging the Omega Effect, I totally reject that Lex Luthor with two laser pistols manages to survive this entire thing unscathed.
So Metron shows up again, and Lex is like “Fix this.” and Metron is like “No.” and Lex is like “I implore you to reconsider.” and Metron is like “Okay!”, and here’s where I want to tear my hair out.
Their plan to STOP DARKSEID IS TO GIVE HIM THE ANTI-LIFE EQUATION?! THAT MAKES NO SENSE! THATS LIKE SAYING “Hitler will go away if we let him conquer all of Europe.”, you’re LITERALLY GIVING HIM THE TOOL HE NEEDS TO ENSLAVE AND CRUSH THE WILL OF ALL OF LIFE FOREVER. THATS WHAT THE ANTI LIFE EQUATION IS!
loneliness + alienation + fear + despair + self-worth ÷ mockery ÷ condemnation ÷ misunderstanding ⋅ guilt ⋅ shame ⋅ failure ⋅ judgment n=y where y=hope and n=folly, love=lies, life=death, self=dark side
So Metron takes Lex Luthor to the fucking SOURCE WALL. Where GODS do not pass. They’re literally embedded INTO THE WALLS. GALACTUS IS STUCK ON THE WALL.
Metron is like “You can’t handle this” and Lex is like “Yes uh huh I can.” and then this regular dude who is pretty smart manages to float unaided through space, INTO the Source Wall, screams like a crazy person and then…to be continued.
We’re winding up to the finale, Darkseid has taken Superman out with the Agony Matrix and he says “I’ve been saving this for a special occasion.” and pulls out a green K laser knife.
Darkseid has only been alive for like six hours at this point! He was saving it all afternoon?? Its a part of his outfit when he’s revived, how did he know it was even there? Was he fucking around at some point looking at his cool new gloves and went “Oh shit look at this knife.”?
So Darkseid is about to carve out Superman’s heart, and Lex Luthor shows up and says “As much as I’d like to see that, here’s the anti-life equation.”
Is Lex in a hurry? Why is he bothering to help Superman at all? He can’t just chill for like five minutes while the embodiment of all evil carves out the heart of Earth’s greatest hero? Does he have dinner reservations at Dorsia?
Darkseid stops what he’s doing, and when he sees Lex has what he wants (Which is weirdly represented by a ball of light? Its more interesting than a piece of paper I guess.), and it should be pointed out here that Darkseid does NOT share power. Ever. Everything must bow and scrape and die for Darkseid. Thats his entire arc.
So then Darkseid and Lex Luthor HOLD HANDS AND THEN EXPLODE FOR NO REASON.
NO EXPLANATION FOR ANY OF IT. HANDS HOLDING. EXPLOSION. IS THIS WHAT HUEY LEWIS MEANS BY THE POWER OF LOVE??
Darkseid’s forces leave, because…okay sure whatever I guess they have better things to do than get the shit kicked out of them.
And then we cut to the League talking in the Satellite and they’re like “They’re not dead. When they come back we’ll be ready.”
Will you?? They have the Anti-Life equation. The entire universe is absolutely god damn doomed. You handed the literal embodiment of all of evil the keys to fucking up everything forever, and thats your happy ending? What if they come back in like five hundred years? Darkseid is like five million years old, he can wait.
But that part with Martian Manhunter being a Chinese guy was pretty sick so I give it a 7/10.