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The original was posted on /r/twoxchromosomes by /u/outlawlooseandrunnin on 2023-07-27 18:08:15.
I recently moved cross-country to NYC to move back in with my longtime bf. I don’t know anybody out here other than my bf, so I wanted to join some social groups and meet new people. I signed up for an intramural pickleball league, but the level of play there was less competitive than I was hoping. In that league I met a man, H, who organizes his own pickleball club and invited me to come out and play.
I love H’s club and I go there almost every day. I’ve met some cool people there and want to continue to go, but of course it can never be that easy. After going a few times, I started getting subtly flirty messages from H saying things like I’m his pickleball girlfriend, I would be perfect if I was single, calling me his crush he can’t have, etc.
The messages made me uncomfortable for sure, but I just took them on the chin. I always catch another guy staring at me when I play, too, which didn’t help me feel more comfortable. But I didn’t want to confront anyone and ruffle any feathers because, ultimately, it’s H’s club and he could kick me out at any time for causing problems. Getting to play with that group of people was more important to me than my comfort at that point.
I met another gal around my age (which is worth noting because H is almost 20 years older than us), T, and she said she was getting similar messages. It was oddly comforting to know it wasn’t just me being singled out and it was fun to be able to laugh at this uncomfortable situation. It also felt like we take some of his power away when we’re able to laugh at him. We both were on the same page with not wanting to confront him though because we wanted to stay in the group.
But over the weekend I really had enough when H sent me a text basically saying the only thing that’s wrong with me is he can’t have me. I wasn’t even uncomfortable in that moment; I was just really angry. So I replied to him to “stop with the ‘if only you were single’ bullshit or I’ll find a different club”. It felt good in the moment and I had GREAT support from my friends, my boyfriend, and T for doing it. But H is trying to make me regret it. He’s giving me very short answers over text now, not letting me wait to play if a court is full (which is ridiculous because it was never an issue in the past), and now is purposely entering in my scores/record incorrectly in the tournament he’s hosting.
It’s small stuff for sure, but this is exactly why women don’t stand up to their male bullies. The flirty messages were annoying, but not more annoying than spending my whole morning going back and forth with my tournament partner trying to correct our scores. I know clubs are dime-a-dozen out here, but I just really like this group and want to say around. So far T is the only other person at the club I’ve talked to about it. I don’t know how close everyone else is with H so I don’t want to bring it up with them. I was proud of standing up for myself, but now I kind of regret doing it.