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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hot-Purple-4907 on 2023-07-26 21:35:58.
I (30F) asked my husband (31 M) to clean the toilet because I’m pregnant and throwing up often. For a variety of reasons that are equally our fault, the toilet in our master bathroom has gotten quite gross though we have kept the guest bathroom cleaned.
I was frustrated that he didn’t do it yesterday like he said he would (I’ve thrown up in a gross toilet twice since he said he’d clean it) so I nagged him to do it today.
I’m in our room so I’m like 10 ft from the bathroom and hear him immediately start scraping the bowl with a pumice stone.
I interrupted him and told him he needs to scrub it with the toilet brush first to get like the gunk off first and that the stone is for stains, kind of like how you would wipe crumbs off a counter before scrubbing any gunk with a scouring pad.
He got annoyed and said “I know how to clean a toilet.”
I told him with how dirty it is going right in with the pumice is gunna get it all nasty and that he should do toilet brush first then the stone.
I often find that he doesn’t seem to know basic housekeeping skills but instead of taking my advice he insists he knows what he is doing. For example sweeping the kitchen before wiping off the counters or doing the stove before the microwave and the microwave bits getting on the cleaningn stove. He uses the wrong settings on the washer or dryer and frequently forgets to clean the lint trap.
I dont judge him for not automatically knowing these things, we all had to learn at some point. But he gets so defensive when I suggest there are better/cleaner/more efficient/safer ways to do certain household chores.
Mind you these had been primarily my responsibility since he works more (I am not currently employed and before that he contributed more to the household financially even when I did work) but he is having to pick up some slack because this pregnancy is kicking my ass.
I feel like maybe I can be too harsh but I also was very explicitly taught how to clean (I had a rotating chore list of about 2-3 hours of daily chores including everything from sweeping, mopping, bathrooms, laundry, kitchen deep clean, etc) and he was not. I wish he would defer to my expertise instead of just doing it wrong and insisting it’s fine and he knows what he is doing.
Edit to add: Yes the toilet was dirty but not to the point of the pumice being necessary, IMO cleaner and a scrub brush would have sufficed. Kind of my point to my husband that he should have used a scrub brush first. For those curious about why a pumice stone would ever be necessary we have very hard water that can stain the porcelain around the water line of the bowl, not stains from the toilet being dirty per se.
Never had to edit twice but pregnancy brain jumbles my thoughts:
Overuse of a pumice stone on porcelain causes damage. Using it gently to spot clean the water ring stain is fundamentally different from using it to clean the whole bowl. I didn’t make that clear and should have because a trend I’m seeing in comments is people asserting it is an issue of personal preference.