• Climate change - once you stop those suckers from producing carbon dioxide, you'll never again worry if you've done your part to battle global warming.
  • You have to pack SO much extra crap for vacation - besides, everyone says Disney is more fun without kids. Why shouldn't it be magical for the person footing the bill, huh?
  • Parent-teacher conferences - no more having to hear about little Johnny talking too much. Because, you know, he's dead!
  • No one will hog your Legos - kids always take the little hinge pieces that you need, which is uber annoying.
  • Less risk of sorrow - the fewer people you really love and care for, the less your risk of sorrow. What a deal!
  • Having to keep glass on a high shelf - super irritating. Sorry kid, you're just not worth it.
  • Getting behind on your Netflix shows - with kids out of the picture, binge-watching gratuitous violence has never been easier.
  • People making a fuss when you die - who doesn't want to be alone in silence on their deathbed?