Comment on 6 reasons the gender critical right and the woke left are both WRONG about pronouns
Swiggles@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 months ago
This is just clickbait.
I watched the video and he is missing the point by trying to be in the center of the debate. There is either discrimination or acceptance and not much of a middle ground.
Points 1-5 are obvious and nobody should be confused about any of that. Of course he is right here and water is wet.
6 is actually a real problem, but it cannot be solved. Either you discolose it yourself which either leads to outing or staying in the closet or people assume for you which also leaves you in the closet. In my groups we stopped asking about pronouns to not put anyone on the spot, but there is no satisfying solution to this problem.
Of course you can demand others to refer to you in a way, the same way you provide a name. It is very much a social expectation and here the video is missing the point. Either you respect the other person or discriminate them, there exists no middle ground. It is the same as refusing to use their name. There is also no distinction if you disrespect them to their face or behind their back (talking to others about them).
Spuddaccino@reddthat.com 9 months ago
My solution to the pronoun game has always been to not worry about it.
At some point, the person having non-standard pronouns made a decision to have their pronouns not match their physical appearance, so it’s up to them to communicate that difference in some other way. If they fail to do that adequately, there will be misunderstandings. Sometimes, that means they have to straight-up tell people when they meet them, other times it might mean a correction when a mistake is made. I’ve seen people wear buttons at social events, even, and I thought that was a cute solution.
If they want to be a dick about it, I now know that they’re not someone I particularly want to be around anyway.
scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 9 months ago
From the non binary friends I know, this is basically it. It’s not wrong if you genuinely get a pronoun wrong. What’s wrong is if you are corrected and then purposely misgender them.
I have seen some people argue that you should never use pronouns unless you know but that’s just not realistic. Use what you algarner to be the most accurate, but if corrected accept the correction gracefully, and use the new ones from then on out.
PupBiru@kbin.social 9 months ago
i just default to they/them for everyone unless i know for sure… nobody has ever been annoyed about it, and nobody has ever felt misgendered
Voyajer@kbin.social 9 months ago
I've been doing that since middle school and oh boy did it ever peeve my teachers.
Spuddaccino@reddthat.com 9 months ago
On a rational level, I agree with this approach, for people who can do it. It doesn’t work for me I practice, though, because breaking a 35 year habit takes effort and focus, and I just don’t care enough about the subject to want to worry about it.
Swiggles@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 months ago
Yes, you are correct. That’s not a solution, but leaves all options open and everything is voluntary.
I don’t believe there is a satisfactory solution for everyone at once, so I don’t think you can do any better than this.