All dementia is different and difficult in different ways.

Both my grandmothers have been in full time care of my parents until recently. One with strong dementia and depression, the other mild dementia but argumentative. It was very stressful for my folks, particularly with one being a nightly wanderer and fall risk.

Government support packages were hard to navigate but they did get some at home assistance. We had a really nice carer come in a few days per week to help with showers and a little bit of cleaning, but the company behind them was awful to deal with and would try to reschedule or cancel all of the time. Definitely still worth it though.

Getting carers allowance (money/week) took a lot of paperwork. It was not much money, but it was something.

Now my parents only care for one of my grandmothers and only for half of the week (family is now taking her for the rest). This is still difficult but much more manageable.

My other grandmother is now in a nursing home. This was really hard for everyone, both emotionally (family saw nursing homes as places you go to die) and practically (first nursing home run by the Salvation Army was neglectful; hospitalised after 4 days). It’s working out much better now, my grandmother seems to be going OK (on average, the dementia and depression are intermittent) and the family is coping better with just occasional visits rather than 24/7 care. x

If your loved one lives alone: get a doctor’s advice and get them assessed. There are support services for them that can come in and help them occasionally.

If you are taking care of them full time: the government offers a few weeks of “respite” every year. This is essentially temporary nursing home stays, fully paid for. The idea is that you are a better carer if you take breaks; and this also lets you see how they respond to a nursing home without committing.

For nursing homes: visit them and try them out first with respite. They vary a LOT in terms of what they can cope with and what their staff are like.