Low-fat cheese is horrible, tbh. It’s like eating slices of vinyl eraser, and does not spark cheese-joy. Cardio-risk-wise it’s like getting healthy by smoking half-length cigarettes: everybody loses.

There’s no good alternatives that fill every niche, but humnmus is a damn good start. It’s got (good) fat and protein and it’s salty and umami, and feels like you’ve actually eaten something.