I’m not running my own Lemmy, but I do run non-trivial systems elsewhere. Things I’d be looking for would be:

• Are concurrent migrations actually a problem? If Lemmy does a good job of taking out an exclusive transaction that checks if the migration is needed and then does it, it might be that several containers can race safely and you don’t need to do anything. I’d want to review the schema migration code before I trusted this myself though, since few people rely on it.
• A mode in Lemmy to do nothing other than run migrations and exit. You could then execute this as a job or exit-on-terminate container during the upgrade while other Lemmy’s are down.
• Create my own DB migration script based on the Lemmy schema diffs from release tag to release tag.
• Is there a config-flag on Lemmy to enable/disable db migrations? I don’t have a link handy but I feel like I heard about lemmy.world having a Lemmy container separate from the pool of containers doing async jobs. If would be nice if one could run this single separate container and let it handle the migrations… but the other Lemmy’s would have to be clever enough to wait until the migration is complete.
• As you note, run just one Lemmy container for “a while” when upgrading. The issue here is knowing when the migrations are complete, which feels finicky to automate. Though if you do this manually as part of your upgrade process I’m sure it can work ok.