I’ve learned that systems serve themselves, first and always. There is no better lesson of that than Christianity. The historical Jesus was basically a radical hippie, but he was buried first by Paul and then the institution of the Church, which didn’t even feel the need to purge the story of the Pharisees or the Good Samaritan from the Bible, two stories which obviously call out the negative religious impulses the Church is founded on.

Yes, emotions are there to be listened to. A big part of waking up is taking your feelings seriously instead of burying them or denying them or ignoring them. I fucking HATE Christian funerals because they spend almost all their time convincing themselves that God is Good and The Person is Happy in Heaven, and it’s absolutely a terrible way to deal with grief and maybe even anger. I went to a funeral for a woman who had been literally disemboweled by her mentally-ill son, and, yeah, you can imagine the questions about God that were not asked at the service.

By ignoring your emotions, the risk is that you either become a zombie, miserably unhappy and not sure why, or you get completely overtaken by your shadow, the parts you are trying to deny (what happened to Anakin, and what happens to all those gay evangelists caught in bathroom stalls).

I don’t know where you are on your spiritual journey, but I left Christianity to become an atheist and now I’m trying to build some spirituality back into my life to keep the suicidal nihilism at bay. Britt Hartley’s YouTube channel No Nonsense Spirituality has a lot of good ideas.

I’m sorry you lost your mom.