Yes, all those things are normal. I imagine you have went through some very difficult things to exist as you have been for so long. It’s very interesting that you find meditation is helping you. Thanks for sharing. I send you love and wish you success on your journey and happiness in your life!
Comment on How can people know what they want at a given moment?
AloneDownUnder@quokk.au 2 days agoIt’s strange. I’ve been in a state of shutdown and disconnect for most of my life. Only recently with lot’s of meditation, I’ve reached a point where I (sometimes) am aware of my own needs and emotions.
When I look at other people I’m amazed by the capacities they have.
- They can think about their needs and desire while having a conversation
- When sitting still and not doing anything, they automatically start thinking about a bunch of things they still want to do or things that happened in the past
- They can hold their preferences in their head in any circumstance
- At any given time they have an idea of their priorities or needs.
- They feel it automatically when they have a certain need, like water, food, connection, etc…
I suppose this is normal for most people? But for me it has been only a very recent experience, and most of the time I still can’t
An example of this is meditation. When I sit down to meditate and focus on my breathing, and do this for 1-2 hours, I don’t experience any thoughts about future plans or things that happened before.
However, with consistency, this seems to be happening occasionally for me now from time to time.
A few years ago just talking was already pretty hard for me. Nowadays I manage, but it’s mostly talking in a way that I’ve learned from patterns in how other people talk, and i’m not necessarily able to communicate my own state of mind to other people that easily.
Awooooooga@lemmy.world 2 days ago
AloneDownUnder@quokk.au 2 days ago
Thank you.
I’m looking into what might have happened to me. But I don’t really remember much from before I was like 15 years old. I even have difficulties remembering things from the day before. Probably related.
Meditation seems to be somewhat different for me than others. I don’t really think of anything, just feel physical sensations, mostly discomfort.
Over time, if I practice very consistently, some thoughts start popping up in my head.
I’ve heard from others that usually their head is full of thoughts and meditation actually helps them to calm it down.
Maybe another type of meditation rather than breathing meditation would be more helpful for me, but I’m not sure.
Awooooooga@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Have you had an MRI of your brain done?
AloneDownUnder@quokk.au 2 days ago
Yeah, had one last year, nothing special to see on it. I did have a traffic accident a long time ago. Got hit by a car while biking. They never did an MRI at that time though.
Natanael@infosec.pub 1 day ago
Sounds like disassociation, perhaps even “anhedonia” (stupid naming, essentially your brain is suppressing emotion). Did you experience any trauma while young? Especially something that lasted a while?
AloneDownUnder@quokk.au 1 day ago
It does feel like that sometimes. I notice that when there is a moment where it would make sense to be angry, I instead just feel headache or stomachache, but don’t really feel any emotion.
I don’t know whether I experienced any trauma. I just don’t remember much. Especially emotional things I don’t remember.
In fact, I had a conversation with my father recently. And I remember we got emotional about something. But right after the conversation, I can’t remember anymore what we talked about.
Natanael@infosec.pub 1 day ago
That does sound strongly like some kind of emotional suppression. Some people have problems forming memories when they experience intense anger or sadness.
Have you ever tried taking notes / writing a diary?
AloneDownUnder@quokk.au 1 day ago
Yes! Maybe a bit too much even. I make a lot of notes to remember what I’m supposed to be doing, or for habits like brushing my teeth. and I even wrote a journal for a long time almost everyday.
But I write mostly about the things that happened during that day, not so much about emotions. Maybe because I just don’t really know what to write.
When I look back on these entries, it always feels to me like they were written by somebody else.
But somehow it’s helping I suppose, since journaling has been the starting point for me discovering all this stuff. I started almost 10 years ago though, and still find it difficult to feel my own feelings and emotions. But being able to write this and share it with others would have been impossible for me only a year ago. I wouldn’t have the idea, or would forget about it, or would feel to uncomfortable to share.
I also forget that I wrote about certain things and sometimes find separate notes where I write about the same stuff again and again.