Yeah you’re right and the only secure method I know of is Tor hidden services which never exit the network itself. Both you and the server will never know where the other is. It’s kind of like an anonymous dead drop in a park between a spy and their handler.

I2p is another good system to use for torrenting as well it’s just slow as balls (might be better now?) but you don’t need a VPN for that either since it uses garlic routing inspired by Tor’s onion routing.