So if i say to you good word usage in patronizing but say it non sarcastically and compliment you saying you don’t hear it used correctly anymore. Isn’t that complementing them on their intelligence. ?
Personally I’d be put off by that. It sounds like talking down to “kids these days”, which i find really poor attitude, and usually pretty dumb.
I think compliments work best if they are generic. Just say “you are well spoken”, or “you come off as educated, deep thinking person”. Or even “you are good with words”.
Also it would detract from the compliment if it was made while interrupting conversation; it may be distracting and uncomfortable, even if agreed upon by all participants.
It may be cultural but complimenting for a specific thing sounds either patronizing or sarcastic. Maybe it’s because specific compliments and praises are typical to developing children: a child is learning not just to do the “good” things but also which things are good, so it often helps to be specific. (Especially if during longer period the kid also does a lot of not-necessarily-so useful things – while all should be treated with love, it helps to point out the “grown” behaviors, as most children will eventually subconsciously start trying to mimic adults and look for the feedback.)
Making a compliment too specific may imply “unlike the other things you did/said”.
Patnou@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
So if i say to you good word usage in patronizing but say it non sarcastically and compliment you saying you don’t hear it used correctly anymore. Isn’t that complementing them on their intelligence. ?
netvor@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Personally I’d be put off by that. It sounds like talking down to “kids these days”, which i find really poor attitude, and usually pretty dumb.
I think compliments work best if they are generic. Just say “you are well spoken”, or “you come off as educated, deep thinking person”. Or even “you are good with words”.
Also it would detract from the compliment if it was made while interrupting conversation; it may be distracting and uncomfortable, even if agreed upon by all participants.
It may be cultural but complimenting for a specific thing sounds either patronizing or sarcastic. Maybe it’s because specific compliments and praises are typical to developing children: a child is learning not just to do the “good” things but also which things are good, so it often helps to be specific. (Especially if during longer period the kid also does a lot of not-necessarily-so useful things – while all should be treated with love, it helps to point out the “grown” behaviors, as most children will eventually subconsciously start trying to mimic adults and look for the feedback.)
Making a compliment too specific may imply “unlike the other things you did/said”.