addendum: Some casual googling seems to suggest that hacking or jailbreaking it to expand its functionality is, for now at least, out of the question. The only workarounds I’ve seen, as suggested here, are getting a developer account to install unsigned software. I’m not going to do that.

I don’t want to ask permission to make a product I payed for work for me in the way I want. <angry Louis Rossman noses>