Text messages from my cat would look like this:

15:45 - Why is my food bowl empty?

16:02 - I need more food in my bowl

16:17 - Feed me, I have tried calling!

16:26 - Come on, it was dinner time hours ago

16:38 - I will start to destroy your property if you don’t feed me

16:48 - I am starving! This is neglect! I will call the RSPCA!

17:00 - Is that my food cup? I love you I love you I love you!