Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter. Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear. Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right. Man (to Waitress): Morning! Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning! Man: Well, what’ve you got? Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and slop; egg bacon and slop; egg bacon sausage and slop; slop bacon sausage and slop; slop egg slop slop bacon and slop; slop sausage slop slop bacon slop tomato and slop; Vikings (starting to chant): Slop slop slop slop… Waitress: …slop slop slop egg and slop; slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop… Vikings (singing): Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a Mornay sauce served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines, garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and a fried egg on top and slop. Wife: Have you got anything without slop? Waitress: Well, there’s slop egg sausage and slop, that’s not got much slop in it. Wife: I don’t want ANY slop! Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon slop and sausage? Wife: THAT’S got slop in it! Man: Hasn’t got as much slop in it as slop egg sausage and slop, has it? Vikings: Slop slop slop slop (crescendo through next few lines) Wife: Could you do the egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop then? Waitress: Urgghh! Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like slop! Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Waitress: Shut up! Vikings: Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon slop and sausage without the slop. Wife (shrieks): I don’t like slop! Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your slop. I love it. I’m having slop slop slop slop slop slop slop baked beans slop slop slop and slop! Vikings (singing): Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off. Man: Well could I have her slop instead of the baked beans then? Waitress: You mean slop slop slop slop slop slop… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words) Vikings: (singing elaborately) Slop slop slop slop. Lovely slop! Wonderful slop! Slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop slo-o-o-o-o-op slop. Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Lovely slop! Slop, slop, slop, SLOOOOOOOOOOOP!