No, I did not have some good bases to build from. I built myself back up from a years-long depression in which I had firmly decided that I was definitely going to end my life. But when the moment came I discovered that, for whatever reason, I just couldn’t do it. At which point I was left with no choice but to start finding ways to make life a bit less miserable no matter what it took. I dug myself out of that hole not because I had ‘good bases to build from’ but because I had no other choice. It sucked a whole lot for a long time, but having come through the other side of it I can tell you that it was absolutely worth it to put in the effort. Also when I say rekindled curiosity I mean the kind everyone has in childhood. I lost it sometime around puberty (for a variety of reasons), and didn’t get it back until my 40s.

But if that’s the case re:running out the clock, let me ask you this - and I am by NO means suggesting a particular course of action here - why keep marking time? What do you gain from it that’s better than the alternative? There must be something, right? Figure out what it is and latch onto it like it’s the last lifeboat off the Titanic. The thing about life is that you don’t find meaning, you don’t get handed meaning by someone else, you make it yourself: you decide what is meaningful to you and what isn’t. If you’re content with the way things are then great, but if not then it’s on you to make a change.