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And you’re saying the lessons from one thing aren’t directly applicable to the other when they are. It’s like saying no one who was ever physically abused as a child can ever talk about why hitting a child is bad because they’re just giving survivorship bias for two completely different situations. The lack of belief still hurts whether it’s an isolated incident or a pattern, and OP needs to know that.

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acutfjg@feddit.nl ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You’re right I am saying it’s not directly applicable.

You can use parts of it to make an example, but that’s not what they did. They basically said you’ve ruined the relationship because that what they experienced their whole like till they met their partner.

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- GreenKnight23@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  unfortunately I didn’t mean for it to be read that way.
  
  from ages 9-20 I was in a world where I was berated and called a failure because I was never shown how to apply myself. their form of “tough love” and “brutal honesty” only alienated me further from success.
  
  they never once taught me HOW to apply myself and only pushed me deeper into a hole where I truly believed it was impossible for me to apply myself because I was “just a failure anyway”.
  
  Once I received the support on how I could apply myself successfully, I was able to discern a path forward for myself and my future. when I met my gf at the time she was truly remarkable and supported me more than I could ever imagine. she’s the one who talked me into going to college.
  
  unsolicited “brutal honesty” is akin to emotional and verbal abuse in my opinion because, to the victim, it is indiscernible. the outcome is the same, damage to motivations and a remodeling of perceptions of a foundationally important character in your life.
  
  I loved my mother unconditionally until I was 9. when she called me stupid, I have no remembrance of what it was over, nor what transpired after. All I remember is realizing that the bond and love we shared(so I thought) was circumstantial and based on how intelligent I was in her eyes.
  
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