I hear that, Metju. I really do.

Most of the most miserable moments of my life where during times i had everything “on paper”, as in… the check list of “things you need to be happy” was complete. Nowadays I’m poorer, unhealthier, have less friends, have a worse job, no partner, and basically have nothing glamorous to brag about… but I’m about a hundred times happier than I was back when i had the full checklist.

It’s funny cause I want some of those things back now, despite knowing how irrelevant they are. There’s something about me wanting to lie to myself about how important those things are and my happiness being up to them and not myself.

Yeah, human psyche is fucked. I guess the lies we tell each other to get status, money or votes we end up believing and then we go on these wild goose chases.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with self hatred. If it’s of any value to you at all, you seem like an insightful person and I appreciate you taking your time to share your thoughts and feelings with me.

Take care, Metju.